Find the Roots


When we’re upset, we often stay on the surface of unhappiness. I’m mad at “him” because “he” said or did that. Picture a weed coming through a crack in the cement. We see what’s above, but what’s below? The roots keep the weed growing, fertile, and alive.

I remember a few years back being upset at some offense that occurred at work. I can tell you my upset seemed justifiable and, in my opinion, any normal person would have taken offense. At the time, I had done a lot of inner work and was frustrated at myself for letting the situation get under my skin. I thought, what would the Dalai Lama do? I realized, nothing; he wouldn’t have gotten upset in the first place.

For me, this was a huge eye-opener. The Dalai Lama wouldn’t have lost his peace; he would observe the situation and respond in love. He lives in the present moment with love, light, and compassion. Most of us haven’t achieved the Dalai Lama’s spiritual awakening status, but maybe we can start to open our hearts to this concept. Could we be so strong in ourselves that we don’t rattle when someone shakes our cage?

We get upset with others when we lose our inner peace. Something or someone triggers a limiting belief below the surface. My below the surface looked like a scared little five-year-old who felt unloved, undervalued, and afraid. This little girl was desperate for acceptance and would do anything to feel safe and loved. Over the years, I’ve done a lot with my inner child to soothe my deep-rooted wounds.

She still makes an appearance once in a while, and she’s usually upset. My little self wants to be loved, seen, and heard. I validate my five-year-old self by acknowledging her needs and providing the care I didn’t have when I was a little girl. I meditate, write, and I’m gentle and kind with myself.

When you get upset with yourself or someone else, ask yourself what’s causing the distress. See if you can have compassion for the inner child in others. We can’t usually see the wounds. They’re living below the façade of an adult body. Few of us get through our childhoods unscathed. It’s just the nature of being human. Most of us need to look at the root cause of our upsets. The deeper we dig, the more we can heal.

Go Back