DIY Love
11/5/2024
Some of us may have been taught from birth (wittingly or unwittingly) through the words and actions of our caregivers that loving ourselves is unnecessary, corny, conceded, or even selfish. As kids, we calculated our sense of culture, family dynamics, and where our family unit “fit” into the world around us. We took in all this information individually, built our own story of who we are and how we belong, and created the persona we wear to work, in bed, to our kid’s soccer games, and, most importantly, how we view ourselves.
Here’s the thing: We’re meant to be loving beings. The transformative power of self-love is immense. The hard truth is, you can only love others as much as you love yourself. You can only give what you have. When we’re in love with someone and we don’t love ourselves, the relationship continues to seek approval and validation; we try to fill the void inside ourselves with outside adoration. We can lose ourselves, morphing into something we’re not trying to be in order to win someone’s favor. But with self-love, we can break this cycle.
Performing daily, repetitive acts of kindness for ourselves can change the world. Think about it: We can only truly lead by example. When we love ourselves, we are in control of our transformation. If we continue to open our hearts to ourselves more and more each day and in every way, the people in our area of influence consciously and unconsciously witness our evolution of self-transformation. When we love from the inside out, we glow, our energy rises, and our outward expression is the pure frequency of love.
It’s in our power to open our hearts and love ourselves a little more each day. We can help humanity by understanding our humanness and who we are, which increases our frequency of love. We can retrain our brains to hit the love note first. Instead of criticism or disdain, we can rewire our brains for validation and affection. Once we empower ourselves with self-love, we can enable others to live abundantly. This journey of personal growth through self-love is inspiring and motivating.
I’ll be honest. My inner critic sometimes thinks, “OMG! I’ve turned into Stuart Smalley!” You might remember Al Franken’s character, Stuart Smalley, from his Daily Affirmations skit on SNL if you’re old enough. In this skit, Stuart Smalley, a self-help guru, would look into a mirror and repeat affirmations to himself, such as, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” First, it’s hilarious; second, it pokes fun at DIY love (if you want a laugh, check it out on YouTube). However, although some things in this skit can be seen as goofy and uncomfortable initially, they are very effective ways to build an abundant life.
Things Stuart Smalley got right:
-
Look at yourself in the mirror and say nice things. This starts an inner dialog with the “you” born into this world, not the “you” layered with other people’s impressions. This inner dialog is a conversation you have with your true self, free from the influence of others. The genuine you is who you’re seeking.
-
Daily affirmations. These help you keep your thoughts positive. You can use them proactively throughout the day to reinforce whatever you’re working on and also reactively; when you discover you’re being negative, replace the harmful speech with a positive affirmation.
-
Do your best every day, and forgive yourself quickly. We have to start where we are, and we can only do our best. Some days, our best is hitting it out of the park; other days, it might be brushing our teeth. Be quick to love yourself either way. There is no need to pile on shame, blame, or regret; try to accept where you are at this particular time and compliment yourself for doing your best and accepting yourself as is.
There is nothing more powerful or important than self-love. If the next generation could learn to love themselves as the souls they are, we could turn the tide from a fear-based society to a peace-loving world. And yes, for the record, I am a tree hugger. I believe we’re all connected and believe in love.