What's YOUR 'Why'?
12/3/2024
Before I start any task or project, I ask, “Why am I doing this?” This simple question has become a powerful tool in my life. It’s not just about the task at hand but about understanding and being transparent about your motives when embarking on any action, from volunteering to making dinner for friends. The “why” becomes the barometer for whether this is a good use of my time. It also helps me determine if I’m falling into an old pattern of people-pleasing, being in victim mode, or seeking outside validation, all things I’ve been guilty of in the past. Defining your “why” is a process of self-reflection and honesty with yourself.
Our time on this earth is valuable, and it’s ours; we get to choose how and when we share it with others. I often did things when I was younger out of a sense of duty and a deep need for approval. If I had started with my “why,” I could have saved myself years of victimhood. Instead of thinking, “I’m the only one who will. If I don’t, who will? It’s my job to,” I could have focused on the joy of contribution: “I love caring for others; It gives me pleasure; I’m grateful I can.” Breaking free from these old patterns would have brought relief and liberation earlier in life.
It’s like tightrope balancing to be part of a community and also set clear boundaries for yourself. Defining your “why” can help determine if something is a good use of your time. For instance, understanding your “why” can guide your decisions about whether to take on a new project or even when choosing what to cook for dinner. With your “why” defined, you can decide how to accomplish your goals while maintaining your boundaries and feeling secure in your decisions, giving you a sense of security and confidence.
In the past, if I had been honest with myself, my “why” would have been validation; I took something seemingly joyful and made it very challenging. I would insist no one had to bring anything; everything had to be homemade by me, and the event was entirely over the top. When I learned to define my “why,” my patterns began to reveal themselves. My need for outside validation had me overextending myself to delirium.
Now, while I enjoy making things pleasant for my family and friends, the energy comes from a place of love and respect for all involved. I’ve realized the gathering is about community and conversation. I consider how much time and energy I want to extend and plan from there. That could mean something purchased from the farmers’ market, making the meal simple, or asking others to contribute.
Embrace the power of starting with your “why,” and watch your life lighten up. You’ll liberate yourself from the mundane and trivial people-pleasing that once seemed so important. This understanding will empower you to make choices that align with your values and bring joy to your life, giving you a sense of calm and ease.